One of the greatest determiners of who we are as individuals both now and the kind of person we will be shaped into in the future, are those whom we spend the majority of our time with and those we allow into our inner circle of influence. We tend to be molded (if not completely, at least partially) by the external circumstances that happen around us, and for most of us those external circumstances are directly caused and driven by our closest companions. That is why it is of utmost importance for a Christian, who has been called to be a student and follower of God's biblical ordinances, to be very cautious and wary of whom he/she chooses as influences during their life-long walk with Jesus Christ. This truth is mentioned in Scripture by the Apostle Paul, when he quotes the Greek poet Menander as saying "Bad company corrupts good character" - 1 Corinthians 15:33. Commentating on this verse, the 17th century Puritan Matthew Henry wrote, "Those who would keep their innocence must keep good company. Error and vice are infectious; and, if we would avoid the contagion, we must keep clear of those who have taken it." This truth is stated even more succinctly in Proverbs 13:20 - "Whoever walks with the wise will become wise, but the companion of fools will suffer harm."
The two specific groups of people in our lives that have the most impact on our individual personalities and behaviour are our local church pastor (spiritually) and our closest friends (socially). Regarding these two monumental shapers of our lives, the 17th century Puritan Richard Baxter wrote an entire section in his biblical counseling book "A Christian Directory" warning us to be extremely selective when choosing which pastors and which friends we will give admittance to our lives. I would like to quote two of those extensive and well-written exhortations from Baxter to help enlighten us on how to discern and ascertain which pastors and friends should influence our walk with our Lord and Savior. As Richard Baxter concludes, "Be exceedingly wary, not only what teachers you commit the guidance of your souls unto, but also with what company you familiarly converse; that they be neither such as would corrupt your minds with error, or your hearts with viciousness, profaneness, lukewarmness, or with a feverish, factious zeal; but choose, if possible, judicious, holy, heavenly, humble, unblamable, self-denying persons, to be your ordinary companions, and familiars; but especially for your near relations."
Take heed of proud and worldly guides... it is not every one that pretendeth piety and zeal, that is to be heard, or taken for a teacher. But,
1. Such as preach, ordinarily, the substantial truths which all Christians are agreed in.
2. Such as make it the drift of their preaching, to raise your souls to the love of God, and to a holy, heavenly life, and are zealous against confessed sins.
3. Such as contradict not the essential truths, by errors of their own; nor the doctrine of godliness, by wicked, malicious applications.
4. Such as drive not on any ambitious, tyrannical designs of their own, but deny themselves and aim at your salvation.
5. Such as are not too hot in proselyting you into any singular opinion of their own; it being the prediction of Paul to the Ephesians, Acts 20:30, "Of your ownselves shall men arise, speaking perverse things, to draw away disciples after them."
6. Such as are judicious with holy zeal, and zealous with judgment.
7. Such as are of experience in the things of God, and not young beginners, or novices in religion.
8. Such as bear reference to the judgments of the generality of wise and godly men, and are tender of the unity of the church; and not such as would draw you into a sect or party, to the contempt of other Christians; no, not to a party that hath the favour of rulers and the people, to promote them.
9. Such as are gentle, peaceable, and charitable; and not such as burn with hellish malice against their brethren, nor with an ungodly, or cruel, consuming zeal.
10. Such as live not sensually and wickedly, contrary to the doctrine which they preach; but show by their lives, that they believe what they say, and feel the power of the truths which they preach.
- Richard Baxter, A Christian Directory, Chapter 2, pg 55-56
"And your familiar companions have great advantage to help or hinder your salvation, as well as your teachers. The matter is not so great, whom you meet by the way, or travel with, or trade and buy and sell with, as whom you make your intimate or familiar friends. For such have both the advantage of their interest in your affections, and also the advantage of their nearness and familiarity; and, if, they have but also the advantage of higher abilities than you, they may be powerful instruments of your good or hurt. If you have a familiar friend, that will defend you from error, and help you against temptations, and lovingly reprove your sin, and feelingly speak of God, and the life to come, inditing his discourse from the inward power of faith, and love, and holy experience; the benefit of such a friend may be more to you, than of the learnedest or greatest in the world.
How sweetly will their speeches relish of the Spirit, from which they come. How deeply may they pierce a careless heart. How powerfully may they kindle in you a love and zeal to God and his commandments. How seasonably may they discover a temptation, prevent your fall, reprove an error, and recover your souls. How faithfully will they watch over you. How profitably will they provoke, and put you on; and pray with you fervently when you are cold; and mind you of the truth, and duty, and mercy, which you forget. It is a very great mercy to have a judicious, solid, faithful companion in the way to heaven."
- Richard Baxter, A Christian Directory, Chapter 2, pg 56
